First Day of School

•August 13, 2008 • 5 Comments

Welp, its that time again, when you provide the offspring with spiffy new duds to wear, new lunchbox or backpack, and maybe a new haircut (my son did his own haircut but thats another story) to herald the rite of passage that is the First Day of School.

I woke my son up yesterday with the glare from the videocamera, accompanied by witty commentary such as “look at the frogboy, hugging the body pillow” with closeups on his butt (fortunately I sewed the hole in his crotch the night before—you may all thank me later) and his legs all hugging that pillow for dear life. “Wake up frogboy, you’re on camera! Show the folks in videoland what frogboy looks like first thing in the morning with your new self-inflicted haircut!” Frogboy—I mean my son—merely makes farting noises with his morning lips, belches and turns his head away from the glaring light of the videocam. Not to be deterred, I scamper around to the other side of the bed and again exhort him to rise and whine: “Come on babe, its the first day of school!!! Dont you want to pick out what you are going to wear? All those choices?”

“NO!” he bellows as he dives under the blankets. “Well you have to go,” I cruelly remind him, “and you can go in your PJ’s if you want, ok by me.” You see, I am not above resorting to the tactic of peer pressure. At least while he’s young enough for it to still work.

Eventually, he gets out of bed and picks out his outfit (which I am filming for posterity and my mother) and eats and “fixes” his hair (although he didnt leave much hair to work with, but thats HIS problem now isnt it?) and away we go. All bright and shiny with our ankle socks that will disappear into our shoes before the day is half over, with shellacked hair, last year’s backpack (hey its still good!) and a heart full of hope that this year will not turn out to be half as miserable as he’s afraid it might…..

One day, Im gonna look back on all these days with sentimentality. Hell, I think I already do. Im glad I listened to my mom and got it on camera. My frogboy—I love you (MUAH!)

Posted in because I said so, The Joys of Parenting
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Jayne Cobb!!

•August 12, 2008 • 5 Comments

MiGAWD, I could spend HOURS looking at this man. And, as nice as the still shots are, he’s even more drool-worthy in action.

Anyone familiar with Firefly or Serenity (the late, lamented bit of Sci-Fi Genius from Joss Whedon) will recognize Jayne, the Mercenary for sale to the highest bidder….I recently purchased my very own copy of Firefly and my son and I (being companionably OCD together) watch episodes non-stop. We have our favorites (Jaynestown, DUH) but any scene with Jayne in it is balm for my soul. And yes, Nathan Fillion’s Captain Malcom Reynolds is lovely eye-candy (as seen here):

However, I found myself—again and again—drawn to the muscle, the ruthlessness and the utter knuckle-dragging testosterone-dripping specimen that is Jayne.

Of course, he has a softer side, as evidenced when he got the cunning hat from his mom:

Yes. I want me a Jayne. Actually 2 Jaynes and 1 Mal Reynolds. Yep that ought to just about do it.

PS: for all the Serenity fandom out there, August 17th, 2008 has been declared Serenity Day 2008.

Posted in because I said so
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Why is Monday “Blue?”

•August 12, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Where did that expression “Blue Monday” come from anyway? Because Im lazy, I took Wiki’s word for it:

Blue Monday is a name given to a date stated, as part of a publicity campaign by Sky Travel, to be the most depressing day of the year.

This date was published in a press release under the name of Cliff Arnall, at the time a tutor at the Centre for Lifelong Learning, a Further Education centre attached to Cardiff University. Guardian columnist Dr Ben Goldacre reported that the press release was delivered substantially pre-written to a number of academics by Public Relations agency Porter Novelli, who offered them money to put their names to it. [1]. The Guardian later printed a statement from Cardiff University distancing themselves from Arnall: “Cardiff University has asked us to point out that Cliff Arnall… was a former part-time tutor at the university but left in February.” [2]

Arnall says the date was calculated by using many factors, including: weather conditions, debt level (the difference between debt accumulated and our ability to pay), time since Christmas, time since failing our new year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and feeling of a need to take action. Writing about the calculation, Goldacre stated: … the fact is that Cliff Arnall’s equations … fail even to make mathematical sense on their own terms. [1]

This date typically falls on the Monday of the last full week of January.

Did that guy get PAID for that??

Anyway…….Yesterday was Monday and what a comedown it was after my exuberant Sunday. My Sinful Sunday. It was so much of a bummer that I couldn’t even write this yesterday. Thats ok though, today’s gonna be a RUBY TUESDAY (Hats off to the Rolling Stones for that one).

Posted in because I said so
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Twisted Church Hymns ;)

•August 10, 2008 • Leave a Comment

So…..its Sunday and most folks are busy getting ready for Church. Ive got some time yet before I would need to go so Im sitting here having a one way convo with my significant other (he’s in a different time zone and prob already in church LOL!) and I get to thinking about our chat last night and how it usually always turns X-rated….and wondering what the heck he’ll be thinking about in Church today….because I know what I’m thinking about (!) when it occurred to me that those old standby Church hymns could sure take on a new meaning if you didnt have your mind properly on God:

Rock of Ages (cleft for me)….let me hide myself in Thee (hooboy, that one is too easy!)

I need Thee every hour (hear that babe?)

Awake and Arise (Yeah!)

In the Garden (for variety!) Just be sure your effing neighbors O_o arent watching!!

New Every Morning is the Love (thank Goodness!)

Majestic Sweetness Sits

Go Labor on, Spend and be Spent

Oh Master, when thou callest (Submissives like this one!)

Open now thy Gates of Beauty (how to sweet talk yer girl!)

Everlasting arms of Love

……as you can see, the Hymnal is full of reminders that one of the first things God said to Adam and Eve:

Go forth, be FRUITFUL and MULTIPLY!

I guess its ok if the Saints sin just a little eh?

note: many of the titles came from this site

Posted in Adult Content, because I said so, humor
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Potty Mouth

•August 9, 2008 • 2 Comments

Call me old fashioned–(heck, SOME people call me old–of course others know better heh heh–but I digress)–but it seems to me that the days of intelligent discourse are numbered…

I remember when I was a teen, and I tried out my first few cuss words on my mother, I didnt shock her as I had planned, no. Instead, she told me that an intelligent person will always try to find another word to use. Well, I considered myself intelligent, certainly intelligent enough to use alternatives….so I never really got into the habit of cursing/swearing (except during THOSE moments of course).

So, I figured, when I had my own children to raise, I would use the same logic on them–an intelligent person will always find another word to use. WELL! I’m here ta tell ya, that ain’t happening! My middle daughter in particular has the foulest mouth evah! Good grief! I mean, I’ve heard my fair share of blue language in my day but MIGAWD! I’d have to go to her school and talk with her teacher and try and convince them “SHE DIDN’T HEAR THAT AT HOME!!!”

And I know, Right Here in cyber land, colorful language just permeates the ether! Now, I’m not complaining any more, because like the true entrepreneur I am, I’ve figured out a way to PROFIT from it! Oh yes!! Ive created a fleet of my very own mobile cleaning service trucks that, for a modest fee, will remove the offending material and clean the environment all at the same time! To wit:
mobile potty mouth cleaning service

Posted in because I said so, humor, rants
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Effing Neighbors O_o

•August 9, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Folks who’ve lived in apartments know how tough it is when you get noisy neighbors or ones who fight all the time…its like the monkey on your back you cant get rid of no matter how hard you try. And if you try the direct approach, and remind them that they don’t live alone, and to please be considerate, you get either a blank stare or a belligerent attitude for your trouble. And then theres the parking issues or the garbage issues…or the kids with snotty noses and dirty faces running around…..no thank you, I waved bye bye to apartment living a long time ago.

Imagine my surprise then, when I realized I was living next door to (gasp) a buttinsky neighbor, the kind who feels like she can judge everything you do as if she is perfect (never mind her son is in prison) and she acts like she has a degree in child development or something…..now, its hot here, triple digits, and I dont have AC or a swamp cooler, so I use my fans and have the windows open.
Me being me, I get frustrated with my son when he refuses to do his chores or he asks for a cookie for the 6th Goddamn time (before breakfast even) and I get LOUD! its like he doesn’t hear me if I talk normal! anyway, this buttinsky neighbor has taken it upon herself to threaten me, criticize me, and even sent me nasty emails. I tried tact. I tried diplomacy. I even tried to see things from her point of view, but since she’s too effing nearsighted, that isn’t working either. Finally, I told her off. She’s now reduced to eye rolling. Thats fine, maybe they’ll roll all the way to the back of her head and STAY there.

I’m thinking there just isn’t a fence high enough to shield me from the asshat neighbors of this world. In the meantime, my son and I just got done washing my two cars and we put our radio on the most obnoxious station we could. LOUD. Just for her.

Posted in because I said so, rants
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CATS!!!

•August 8, 2008 • Leave a Comment

In this world, you are either a dog person or a cat person. I am a cat person. Here’s why:

Im fine....rly

Im fine....rly

cactus cat

cactus cat

Der cat

Der cat

Der Cat 2

Der Cat 2

Failed Escape Cat

Failed Escape Cat

Gollum Cat

Gollum Cat

Hey Bebbie Cat

Hey Bebbie Cat

Revenge Cat

Revenge Cat

Bah Humbug Cat

Bah Humbug Cat

Cats. Gotta Luv em.

if you’d like to see more pix like these, go to Funny Cat Photos

Posted in humor
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Rock ON!!

•August 6, 2008 • 2 Comments

WARNING!!! ADULT CONTENT!! NAVIGATE AWAY IF EASILY OFFENDED

Not to be outdone by our leafy friends, please put your hands together for ROCKS!

here is a gem I just found:

and this is a classic from the place where I used to live:

this is Camel Rock:

This one speaks for itself:

And finally, this gem:

Rocks. Who’d a thunk it?

Posted in Adult Content, humor
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War Zone part 2

•August 6, 2008 • Leave a Comment

well…just when I thot it was safe to venture out…a lightning storm over a week ago turned my state into a firestorm. at last count there were over 800 fires burning in California. My county has been bumped up to #1 priority in the state. Firefighters and equipment from all over the state are here to help fight these fires (at last count, over 30 fires in Butte County alone) the bad news is, we’re due for another thundershower tomorrow or sunday.
here is a link to a fact sheet
here is a link to a map

both are pdf and will download to your computer. The fire that is closest to me is the West Fire. My daughter’s town was threatened by 2 fires, but the closest one, Breakneck, is 50% contained at last update.

In the meantime, Ive been connecting with the locals and volunteering to help wherever I can. I guess its times like these when you learn what is most important.

folks…..your stuff is just stuff. if you have your health and your pictures and each other….you’ve got enuff…

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War Zone

•August 6, 2008 • Leave a Comment

If anyone is interested, here are links of interest regarding the fire that threatened my town this past weekend:

CAL FIRE

Slideshow of pix by local residents

My daughter’s town also had a small fire but it was contained. Between the power outages and road closures and evacuation threats, its been one helluva weekend. I apologize to one and all for my shitty attitude.

UPDATE
The fire is 100% contained, and I went to work yesterday…I am amazed at how much is still green! after all the pix of smoke and fire, I expected to see wide stretches of black or ash…and there are some pretty apocalyptic areas, but overall, those firefighters did a damn good job (HATS OFF TO ALL THE FIREFIGHTERS~ PAT YERSELVES ON THE BACK, YOU DESERVE IT!) Anyway, Im thinking a good part of the damage wont be visible in a year or two….the sad thing is, over 70 people lost their homes 😦 Those poor folks…..

2nd UPDATE:
here is a Link to an interview with a CAL FIRE Incident Command Team Commander. It includes another slideshow.

Overall, we were very very lucky.

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