Q: What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons!
Ok, that was my juvenile lead-in for my Saturn saga. Witty wasn’t it? Well, I thought it was, but then Im still a fan of bathroom humor.
Now. About my Saturn. Ive only had this car since February. Its a little gem of a car, its so smart it reminds me when to get my oil changed and when something is wrong with the car anywhere. It has a brain! No seriously, it does! All its maintenance and functionality are tied into the brain. It also has built in security. Its impossible to steal. I found this out the hard way when my daughter tried to borrow the car (with permission!) and it wouldnt start, nor would the ignition release the key! So I came out to help and couldnt get the key to turn…I reasoned that if I could get the key out of the ignition, I would be able to get into the trunk where the battery is to get a jump. Well. 3 hours later, a tow truck took it to my hometown mechanic, who was able to order a replacement ignition assembly (price: $400) from the nearest Saturn dealer (2 hrs away!). When it came, it was a big rigamarole to get the key coded to match the ignition sequence. Not only that, but I am now on file at Saturn’s main HQ as the owner of that ignition. and key. for 4 years! (cost: $300 labor / locksmith fees)
Anyway, once the ignition was installed, and the key coded, we all thought “problem solved!” WRONG! The car’s “BRAIN” needed to be reprogrammed all over again. This takes a special tool called a TECH 2. Which my friendly neighborhood mechanic didn’t have. A hasty call to the Dealership 2 hrs away revealed that the car needed to be serviced by a GM dealer who has the TECH 2. Fortunately, the dealership where I bought it has such a tool but they are an hour away. A phone call to a local towing company solved that problem, and this morning, my lovely gem was towed (cost: $160) to the dealership. I was given an estimate of $130 for the programming. I am now out a cool Thousand dollars (give or take $10), and its not done yet because……
……..the dealership calls me and says they cant get the key to turn. They call the Saturn dealer 2 hrs away and talk them into sending a new ignition BUT they will only send it to the same mechanic who installed the first one!!! ARRRRGH!!!!! I was reassured that I would not be paying for the new ignition nor the installation nor the possible cost of towing if my hometown mechanic cant convince Saturn to send the new ignition to the Dealership where the car now resides.
As I go to bed tonight, I realize that there is a cosmic joke being played on me. I just cant decide if Saturn or Uranus will have the last laff……
Its ALL Blarney!! 
WAOW.
That sucks majorly.
I am sorry for your troubles.
And am so glad that I don’t have a smart car (or any car) to worry about.
So, um, I’m assuming you’ve been very busy? 😉
(All these phone calls and towing and fixing and such, I mean)